A Fulfilling Life through Fully Feeling Life

Recently, I attended a heart-wrenching funeral for a young man who had succumbed to cancer at the age of 18. Immediately afterward, I found myself at a party for my wife's work. The contrast between the two events was stark: one filled with grief and sorrow, the other with laughter and celebration. The intensity of emotions I experienced left me reflecting not only on the wonder of the human experience but also on what truly makes a life fulfilling. As I pondered the young man’s short life, it struck me that perhaps fulfillment comes not from avoiding the painful moments, but from embracing the full range of emotions life presents.

It made me realize that one of the reasons many of us struggle to live a fulfilling life is because we aren’t fully allowing ourselves to feel our emotions. Life is full of ups and downs, but most of us try to accentuate the highs and escape the lows. We resist uncomfortable emotions and instead seek distractions or coping mechanisms to buffer ourselves from the discomfort. However, this resistance often creates more problems, intensifying the very feelings we are trying to avoid.

If we think of life like a heartbeat graph, both the uptick and the downtick are essential. It’s in the very nature of life that we experience both joy and sorrow. Trying to avoid the lows is not only futile but contrary to the rhythms of life itself. So, how do we learn to live more fulfilling lives? The answer lies in fully feeling our emotions.

When a difficult emotion arises, instead of pushing it away, try to notice and name it. Dr. Daniel Siegel has taught that putting feelings into words can actually reduce their intensity. By naming your emotions, you become more conscious of what’s happening inside, and instead of your emotions driving you, you begin to take control of the wheel.

For example, you can say, “Anxiety is here. Fear is here. Sadness is here. Welcome! You’re here to help me learn to be fulfilled.” This simple acknowledgment allows you to feel the emotion without being overwhelmed by it. By welcoming and accepting these emotions, you are recognizing that both the highs and lows are integral to a meaningful human experience.

This approach isn’t new; it’s grounded in ancient wisdom. Jesus taught that “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” reminding us that in our sorrow, there is potential for deep comfort and growth. Similarly, Buddha emphasized that accepting our emotions reduces the suffering attached to them. When we allow ourselves to feel, instead of resisting or numbing the uncomfortable emotions, we begin to experience life in a deeper and more authentic way.

By fully feeling and accepting our emotions, we give ourselves permission to live more fully and live in harmony with with what is unfolding. Instead of running from the downs, we can embrace them as essential steps toward personal growth and fulfillment. The truth is, life becomes more vibrant, more meaningful, and full of personal growth and transformation when we allow ourselves to feel it all. Life becomes fulfilling when we are fully feeling.

Finding Calm in the Chaos: Navigating Faith Journeys with the NET Practice

During my faith crisis, there was a circus in my head. I have never experienced anything more distressing. The “what ifs” were terrifying. What if I lose my family? My friends? My community? At night, I would lie awake wondering what I could do. In the morning, I would wake up with dread in my heart, and my mind would immediately resume searching for seemingly impossible solutions. It was like a chaotic circus in inside me—and not a happy one.

In times like these, it can feel impossible to step back and find perspective and peace. The internal noise of our thoughts, feelings, and fears can feel overwhelming. I find hope in the teachings of Michael Singer, who, in his book Living Untethered, describes three primary inputs into our consciousness: thoughts, feelings, and senses. He explains that we are not these inputs; rather, we are the conscious presence that observes them. This idea—that we are the witness to our inner experience—provided me with a glimmer of hope during my most chaotic moments.

Singer likens these constant inputs to a three-ring circus. This metaphor really resonates with me. Just like the drama of a circus, the spectacle of our thoughts, emotions, and sensory experiences can draw us in, distracting us from the truth that we can step back and simply observe. This realization can open the door to relief, but how do we actually step away from the chaos?

As I have searched for ways to quiet my mental circus, I have found a practice that works quickly and effectively. I’ve come to call it “stopping and dropping into the NET.” This simple tool builds on Singer’s circus analogy by imagining a circus safety net that the performers can drop into. Similarly, this simple practice can catch us when the chaos becomes too much.

N - Notice and Name Your Feelings

The first step in finding relief from the mental circus is to notice and name your feelings. It may sound simple, but this practice can be incredibly powerful. When we are caught up in the swirl of emotions, it’s easy to get swept away. By naming the emotion—whether it’s fear, frustration, or sadness—we create a bit of distance from it, allowing ourselves to step into the role of the observer.

I invite you to take a moment to practice this right now:

Take a moment to turn your focus inward and notice what you are feeling. As you become aware of an emotion, simply name it. The variety of emotions is endless. Some common examples include fear, nervousness, irritation, frustration, anger, or sadness. You may also notice more comfortable feelings such as happiness, affection, confidence, playfulness, or peace. Sometimes, to help me effectively observe the feeling, rather than be controlled by it, I word it like this: “Fear is here,” or “anxiety is here.” Take a moment to pause and notice and name your feelings.

As Dan Siegel famously put it, “name it to tame it.” When our feelings go unnoticed and unnamed, they often feel overwhelming and out of control. But when we take a moment to name what we are experiencing, we begin to take back our power. Just as a lion-tamer calls out to calm a wild lion, naming our emotions can help us regain a sense of calm and control.

Once we’ve noticed and named our emotions, the next step is to ground ourselves in our physical reality.

E - Embody Your Experience

After naming your feelings, it’s important to move your awareness out of your head and into your body. This shift helps us break free from the grip of overthinking and anchors us in the present moment. When the mind is racing, focusing on the physical sensations of breathing, stretching, or feeling the ground beneath our feet can be a powerful way to center ourselves.

I invite you to try the following as you read them, without speeding through it:

Bring your attention to the sensation of your breath for a few cycles. Feel your abdomen gently rise and fall as you breathe. Feel the temperature of the air as you inhale through your nose, and the slightly warmer air as you exhale. Notice the subtle refreshing sensation that comes into your body with the in-breath, and the relaxation that spreads throughout your body with the out-breath. Take a moment to wiggle your toes and fingers and feel the life flowing through them. Feel the sensation of the ground supporting your feet. Feel your body being supported by your seat. Take a moment to stretch various parts of your body and give your full attention to the sensation of your muscles lengthening and contracting. For the next few breaths, seek to feel your body as a whole. Notice the subtle life energy throughout your body. If your mind gets distracted, simply bring it back to focusing on being present in your whole body. Now, use your senses to take in your environment. Take a moment to see, hear, touch, smell, and perhaps even taste something and savor being embodied in your current environment.

After taking a moment to embody, you may notice a greater sense of calm, centeredness, well-being, and presence in the moment. In this state we are not so caught up in our heads and the problems that our minds tend to focus on.

Being more present in the body enables us to take the next, crucial step toward finding deeper alignment in our lives.

T - Take a Step Toward Your Values

When caught in the storm of a faith crisis, it’s common to feel a sense of aimlessness, as though the ground beneath you is constantly shifting. This uncertainty can be distressing, especially when your values, which once seemed so clear, seem to be in flux. As I wrestled with these feelings, I realized that part of my healing process involved revisiting and realigning with my core values.

If you’re uncertain about what your current values are, take some time to reflect on them. Reading through a list of values, such as those shared here by Brené Brown, can be a helpful exercise. Identifying core values that resonate with you right now can offer clarity and direction during a period of faith transition.

Once you’ve clarified your values, the final part of the NET practice is to take a step—however small—toward living those values in the present moment. For example, if compassion is a core value, ask yourself, “How can I embody compassion right now?” You may choose to offer yourself kindness, extend understanding to someone else, or simply reflect on a compassionate thought. The key is to take a step toward your values, however small it may be. Take a moment to pause and consider how you could take a step toward your values in this moment. As you take the step, you may notice an increased sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Finding Peace Amid the Chaos

Now that you have practiced this NET technique, take a moment to reflect on how you feel. Has the inner chaos quieted at all? Often, by stepping back and dropping into the NET, we find that the mental noise begins to subside, and we experience a sense of calm or presence.

For example, I was once sitting in a church meeting and felt my emotions start to rise as the mental circus in my head began to spin into full swing. I remembered to stop and drop into the NET. After practicing it, I felt calm and centered, and I was able to extend compassion to both myself and the person speaking. This simple tool allowed me to transform a moment of inner chaos into one of peace and presence.

For me, this practice has been invaluable—not only in times of intense crisis but also in everyday life. I practice it while driving, during uncomfortable situations, and when I simply feel distant from the present moment. Whether I’m feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or simply restless, I try to remember to drop into the NET. It helps me reconnect with my values and stay present, even in the midst of uncertainty. I hope that this simple practice, or your own variation of it, can help you find harmony along your journey as well.