A Fulfilling Life through Fully Feeling Life
Recently, I attended a heart-wrenching funeral for a young man who had succumbed to cancer at the age of 18. Immediately afterward, I found myself at a party for my wife's work. The contrast between the two events was stark: one filled with grief and sorrow, the other with laughter and celebration. The intensity of emotions I experienced left me reflecting not only on the wonder of the human experience but also on what truly makes a life fulfilling. As I pondered the young man’s short life, it struck me that perhaps fulfillment comes not from avoiding the painful moments, but from embracing the full range of emotions life presents.
It made me realize that one of the reasons many of us struggle to live a fulfilling life is because we aren’t fully allowing ourselves to feel our emotions. Life is full of ups and downs, but most of us try to accentuate the highs and escape the lows. We resist uncomfortable emotions and instead seek distractions or coping mechanisms to buffer ourselves from the discomfort. However, this resistance often creates more problems, intensifying the very feelings we are trying to avoid.
If we think of life like a heartbeat graph, both the uptick and the downtick are essential. It’s in the very nature of life that we experience both joy and sorrow. Trying to avoid the lows is not only futile but contrary to the rhythms of life itself. So, how do we learn to live more fulfilling lives? The answer lies in fully feeling our emotions.
When a difficult emotion arises, instead of pushing it away, try to notice and name it. Dr. Daniel Siegel has taught that putting feelings into words can actually reduce their intensity. By naming your emotions, you become more conscious of what’s happening inside, and instead of your emotions driving you, you begin to take control of the wheel.
For example, you can say, “Anxiety is here. Fear is here. Sadness is here. Welcome! You’re here to help me learn to be fulfilled.” This simple acknowledgment allows you to feel the emotion without being overwhelmed by it. By welcoming and accepting these emotions, you are recognizing that both the highs and lows are integral to a meaningful human experience.
This approach isn’t new; it’s grounded in ancient wisdom. Jesus taught that “blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted,” reminding us that in our sorrow, there is potential for deep comfort and growth. Similarly, Buddha emphasized that accepting our emotions reduces the suffering attached to them. When we allow ourselves to feel, instead of resisting or numbing the uncomfortable emotions, we begin to experience life in a deeper and more authentic way.
By fully feeling and accepting our emotions, we give ourselves permission to live more fully and live in harmony with with what is unfolding. Instead of running from the downs, we can embrace them as essential steps toward personal growth and fulfillment. The truth is, life becomes more vibrant, more meaningful, and full of personal growth and transformation when we allow ourselves to feel it all. Life becomes fulfilling when we are fully feeling.
